Monday, August 28, 2017


My life is about to change drastically as I'm moving to another side of the world and I thought I should address this closing chapter and the new chapter I'm about to open.

new life chapter

Ending this chapter...

/ / R E L A T I O N S H I P S / /

The past two years I've had so many relationships change; some for better and some for worse. I am so grateful for both of those types of changes.

Some relationships became stronger and I'm so grateful for those people in my life and it makes me happy to know that I have people who care about me and are excited when I am and sad when I am. I hope I'm doing the same for them and I hope I'm being a good friend to those who are being one to me.

For the relationships that have changed for the worse, or maybe become less significant or less important to me, all I have to say is thank you for the experience. It seemed bad at the time and it took up so much of my energy but I'm glad I went through that because it has changed me so much too. I have learned to listen better and to see through a person better and I've learned to be more patient and mature about tough situations.

The following may seem like I'm almost outing everyone like a mini version of 13 reasons why but I assure you that's not it. I am over being negative and all that and truly want to begin my "new chapter" by closing the previous one with a good note. The people I mention below is not because I will cut them out of my life once my new chapter begins. In fact, it is the complete opposite for most people and I hope to have them in my next chapter because I don't want to begin it alone...

/ / P E O P L E / /

Person 1
You are my best-est friend in the entire world and I love you so much. You know everything about me and you know me so well that you can even make me smile when I'm mad and don't feel like smiling. I give you a tough time all the time but despite all of my mood swings and irrational behavior, you still stick next to me and I am just so grateful for you. You go out of your way to do things for me and I hope you know how appreciative I am.

Person 2
We don't talk as much but we're still close in the weirdest way possible. We won't talk for weeks at a time but there are no hard feelings because we understand that we both are busy. You know a lot about me that I haven't told to anyone else and I always feel safe talking to you. We have weird conversations during the night because apparently after 12 am both of our brains decide to have no filter and let the weird topics loose. But hey, the conversation is still fun! I hope we stay in touch forever, which means we keep messaging each other once every few weeks at least :P

Person 3
Our friendship started weird and there was this entire dramatic situation that occurred but I guess we patched up after that. Our relationship just went up till there and I genuinely think that it was going great from both sides for a very long time. "People change". I never believed when people said that. I always wondered how it could be possible for someone to change so much that it would be hard to even connect their present self with their past self. I guess I was just naive because I found out it was very true in a not-so-pleasant way. I don't have any hard feelings because I am so over the whole ordeal and a part of me will still love you...or the idea of loving you. We can't always mend what is broken and I am not trying to anymore. We're still good friends and I enjoy time spent with you.

Person 4
You are lame and not at all creepy (if you are reading this, I think I just made it obvious that this is about you) and honestly, I don't even know why I still talk to you :P. Okay, enough with the insulting. You're definitely a weirdo (in a good way) and I enjoy talking to you. I must admit, I zone out through your "drunk stories" sometimes, but otherwise, I'm glad I reconnected with you (we never really talked before, but you get it). You're a fun person and it cracks me up when I see how many "being single" memes you have sent me throughout this entire year or so that we've known each other.

/ / J O Y / /

So many wonderful things have happened to me. I have people around me with great energy who motivate me to be a better person and work on my flaws. I am not under the illusion that I am perfect. I'm not even near perfect, but the people around me are helping me get closer to the person I want to be and I'm thankful for them. I got to foster a puppy for 2 weeks this year. It was the best 2 weeks of my life. The little fluff ball taught me stuff in 2 weeks that I couldn't learn in 17 years and it was such a learning experience and so much more space was created in my heart for love. I am so glad she got a permanent home and I am so grateful for being able to take care of such a sweetheart (even though she bit me a million times because she was teething!).
It was nice being genuinely happy due to so many events for so many moments, compared to last year. 

/ / P E R S O N A L  C H A N G E / /

Recently, I went a bit downhill again. A little bit anger came back, more of the mood swings, a little bit more anxiety. But I think it's okay taking three steps ahead and one step back. That's life. You can't expect to have no obstacles or no setbacks. I'm only human and I'm working on becoming a better person in general. I think the main things I'm trying to learn is patience, being calm in stressful situations, and listening to the other person and trying to understand the situation from their point f view instead of immediately reacting in a regretful way. I hope the next chapter in my life helps me grow in other ways too. I assume being independent will definitely teach me a thing or two.

Starting a new chapter...

/ / P R E S E R V A T I O N / /

I hope to preserve the good relationships I have right now. I don't want to lose any of those who I am close with because the thought of that is scary to me. I hope I don't change in a way that will drive them away from me but I also hope I change for the better because I know I can't avoid change. It will happen. People grow and people change. I just hope I change into a better version of me so that I can love myself more and so people I love can continue loving me too.

/ / N O U V E A U  / /

I want to make some solid relationships with people I meet in the future. I want to attract truthful and genuine people in this new chapter of my life and want to make new memories that make me happy. I don't have any idea what this new chapter has for me and the number of uncertainties is terrifying but I am waiting for what is in store for me. 

I am turning the page and entering this new chapter with a positive mindset and hopeful heart.